Guilt

Now as for me I feel a lot of guilt. I would even have to say that a good deal of what I do is motivated by guilt. Being a part of the sandwich generation, you know still caring for children while also caring for parents, I sometimes feel nothing but guilt. Add to that my two grown children and 5 precious grandchildren and I could easily be overcome by guilt. Instead of a sandwich I feel more like a double stuffed Oreo.

My guilt stems mostly from feeling as though I don't do enough for those I care deeply about, my family. Not because I don't want to, but because I run out of time, energy or both. I love my family and relish my roles as wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, aunt, etc. And as a recovering "bucket lady" I want desperately to make everyone happy. In case you don't know a "bucket lady" is someone who walks around with an emotional bucket asking everyone to fill it up so she can feel good about herself (this is according to the wonderful Donna Partow). As I say, I'm in recovery, but could fall off the wagon any day.

I am quite puzzled that my loving husband, who also has people pulling at him from all directions, seems to feel little or no guilt while I am wallowing in it. He seems happy to fly by the seat of his pants with respect to his life and relationships (except work) in general. He can watch football, golf or even fishing for hours without one twinge of guilt, even if the garage is a mess or the boxes from a most recent move are still not unpacked. I wonder if his lack of guilt stems from the fact that he is the "fun" parent. You know the one who wrestles, tickles, putts, plays, and rides with the kids. You'll not hear him talking about homework, chores, grades, teeth brushing or even the picking-up of shoes. As a matter of fact, his shoes are right next to theirs and are probably muddy! In addition, the "fun" parent almost never says "no". And if he does, a little wheedling and he can probably be persuaded to change his mind. What's to feel guilty about? I have tried for years to become more like my husband in the guilt department to no avail. As a matter of fact, I'm filled with guilt just sitting here typing this instead of finishing the laundry.