Claustrophobia and Medical Magic

I was scheduled to have a PET and CT scan and as most of you probably know I'm extremely claustrophobic. I didn't sleep well the night before and was feeling anxious all morning. I spent the hour before we were to go to the doctor reading Scripture and listening to praise music (and I took my 1st Xanax). In Psalm 18 verse 29 it says "...with my God I can scale the wall". Just what I needed to hear! My new mantra in hand, we got to the doctor's office and I told them I was still feeling anxious, so they had me take another pill. Then they injected me with radioactive dye for the test and left me (and Kendall) in a very small, very dark, very cold room (can anyone say claustrophobia). I dozed off and on during that hour and then it was off to the PET scan. Just seeing the machine made my heart beat faster, but I was pretty dopey (more than usual and more than I realized at the time). Scan was going great, but at one point while I was inside and I could tell I was totally in because it was really dark (even with my eyes closed tight)my heart started to beat faster and I could feel the panic rise. I remembered my new mantra and started saying in my mind "with my God I can scale the wall" and as I repeated it, I see me trying to get my fat butt over a wall with God's hand pushing me over, and I started to giggle! Medical magic.

I know that was a long story and it was much funnier when it happened (and on drugs), but thought you might enjoy!

Mother's Day

Having been a mother most of my life...yes, really! I feel I have some credibility when talking about Mother's Day. When expecting my first child I couldn't wait for my 1st Mother's Day. It came and went with little fanfare and yet, I knew I was different, I was now a mother. As the years wore on and my girls were my life, all I wanted for Mother's Day was a day off, time alone, quiet, and peace. As I grow older and life is busy and my children are many, I long for time alone with each of them. Time to talk, listen, laugh, cry, to be there with them and for them. To truly know them. And as they continue to leave the nest and scatter to who knows where, I already know that I'll just long to have them near...at Mother's Day and throughout the year.

With all it's challenges, I love being a Mom...because I have such great kids!!

The Mind

Have you ever had a thought enter your mind and wonder where it came from? Random thoughts seem to pop up and can alter the way we react to a situation or person. Being a Christian I've been taught that I have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16), but I'm pretty sure that some of the thoughts I have are not from the Lord. Where do these thoughts come from? Thoughts of inadequacy, unimportantance, and of being unloved. These thoughts come from messages we have heard and received. Ever heard: you're lazy, that was stupid, you are too slow, you can't do anything right. Have you ever loved someone who hurt you, left you, didn't love you back? That's where those messages come from and then Satan is able to use your own thoughts and feelings to attack your mind.

As a mom this chills me to the bone, because I've said some of those things to my own kids. Even though these negative messages are being used as a battle of our mind, we can win the battle with the truth...from God's word.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

Each time a thought comes to mind that is negative and untrue, we take it captive (I'm visual and picture it all tied up and gagged)and then tell ourselves the truth from the Word of God. We are loved, he will never leave us or forsake us, we are more than conquerors...etc.

We also then must watch the words we say, we don't want to feed those negative thoughts in ourself or others.


Proverbs 10:32
The lips of the godly speak helpful words,but the mouth of the wicked speaks perverse words.

Proverbs 12:18
Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.

Be wise and speak words that brings healing to someone today!

Looking Back

We are in a busy store and there my son is walking forward and looking backwards. You can imagine that is not the best way to navigate congested aisles full of haggard shoppers. I patiently (OK, maybe not so patiently) reminded him to look forward, but he keeps looking back and running into people.

This episode reminded me of a couple of stories in the Bible. Remember Lot's wife, God told her to flee Sodom and not to look back, she did and was turned into a pillar of salt. And then Paul wrote in Philippians 3:13 "Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead..." I thought I could use these verses as a lesson to my son about looking back while walking forward, but they really didn't apply.

But they do apply to me and speak volumes. They remind me that if I spend time looking back, recalling past mistakes, reliving past glory's, replaying past conversations, I certainly can't be present in the here and now. I can't be having deep, thoughtful conversations in hushed tones with my friends, or reveling in a glorious epiphany, or making new mistakes or even the same old ones. If I casually glance back and learn from my mistakes, or reminisce without wistfully wishing I were 20 years younger and 20 pounds lighter, then looking back is not without merit. It's when I look back longing for what was or what might have been, that I lose out on what is...Today!

Growing up

My oldest son, Nathan, attended his first formal dance on Saturday night. It was a momentous occasion and he looked great. It's hard to believe that he's grown up so quickly. Cherish the moments...

New Year!

It's a new year and as much as I enjoyed the time off (school...not cleaning up after the other 5 people in my home) I'm glad to get back into a routine. I love a schedule, routine, a plan and I love clearing out old files, papers, etc and deep cleaning.

I'm also excited about the new year because I'm making new friends and reconnecting with some old friends (thanks to facebook). There is a Girl Scout song that says: Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, but the other gold. That's exactly the way I feel. So whether you are an old or new friend, know that I treasure you and look forward to time together in this New Year.